


The Cuckoo In The Nest

by xspike4evax



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-18 09:09:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9377969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xspike4evax/pseuds/xspike4evax
Summary: Spike reflects on the tangled mess of his relationship with Willow and Angel





	

**Author's Note:**

> Ache from bad_swa over on LJ

Everything about her made Spike ache; from the aching passion he felt throbbing throughout his body to the ache in his heart knowing he was not her one and only as she was for him. 

It was Angel she looked at as though he were something wonderful, someone to be revered; and every time he saw them together Spike could taste the metallic tang of anger on his tongue.

Willow was not selfish with her attention; she spent time with him, talked with him, laughed with him and when they were in bed together she gave herself over to him, generous almost to a fault; trying to make up for the fact that she didn’t look at him the way she did Angel. Willow didn’t feel for him the way she did Angel. 

And he, fool that he was, tried to give her everything he had to give, knowing he fell short, knowing she didn’t truly want it and had no real concept of how deeply his love ran.   
Spike would have thought he'd have learnt his lesson by now; love and passion did nothing but cripple him with a bone deep ache that scorched his long lost soul.

He felt like William again, not William The Bloody, but that pathetic excuse for a man he had once been, that fop, that milksop, that bloody awful poet; ignored, disregarded, never good enough. 

If he had any sense, if he had one iota of self preservation Spike knew he would walk away. He would turn his back on her and leave them together; but he couldn't. There was still enough of William in him to crawl to her on hands and knees and beg for any scrap of affection she would give him. But Willow never made him beg, in fact, Spike knew it would pain her if she knew the depth of his feelings and how much seeing her with Angel hurt him. 

Willow was open and giving, but she had not opened her heart to him, she had not given him her love; she had given those things to Angel instead. The pain of it seared his heart.   
There was nothing he could do about it, he and Angel and Willow were a tangled mess with him as the cuckoo in the nest; but he wouldn't leave, he couldn't leave. He belonged to her whether she wanted him or not. 

She had the power to make him fall to his knees and beg for the mercy of her love. Just like Drusilla before her, Spike had allowed Willow a power over him and she had whittled him away to nothing; his love the lone survivor.


End file.
